She Never Returned

January 3rd, 2004

Contest of the day: the Eclipse Design Awards

Today was the last chance to buy cheap T tokens. As of tomorrow the fare goes up 25%. This is the MBTA’s inspired solution to reduced ridership - charge even more! Yet another stunning idea from the city that brought you the Big Dig…

My solution to the fare hike is never to take the T again, if its physically possible to walk. That may sound drastic, but in fact there are relatively few places on the Green Line that you can’t get to faster by walking than by taking the T. (You can’t get a taxi for love or money in this city.)

The Green Line is, in fact, the train on which Charlie found himself trapped in that famous Boston filk to which the title of this entry alludes. He was on his way to JP but he couldn’t pay the exit fare (exit fares still exist on the Braintree line), so he had to ride back and forth between Government Station (formerly Scollay Square) and Arborway (no longer served by trolley) forever.

Believe me, you’d be better off joining Jemima’s Personal MBTA Strike.

The Return of the King

January 2nd, 2004

…also known as The Return of the Franchise.

When we walked into the theater yesterday, the Faramir Offense was all I remembered of The Two Towers. After a truly stunning number of previews, the Franchise opened with a huge hunk of plot that properly belongs to The Two Towers - for example, Minas Morgul (the glow-in-the-dark one) is the second tower of the eponymous pair.

I should note that there is some debate on this point - see for example the Wikipedia entry for The Two Towers, or Tolkien’s letters on the matter - but canon contains a note at the end of The Fellowship of the Ring specifying Orthanc (Isengard) and Minas Morgul as the towers involved. Other options include Cirith Ungol (the orc tower at the head of the eponymous pass), Minas Tirith, and Barad-dur. Two notable towers not usually considered candidates are the Towers of the Teeth, Narchost and Carchost, guarding the Black Gate in the Morannon and blocking Frodo’s way.

No matter which towers you pick, they belong in The Two Towers. The cliffhanger for the second volume is Sam losing Frodo at Cirith Ungol, not some random Faramir character-assassination in Osgiliath. Pippin Wrestling the Palantir also belongs in TTT, where the palantir does not burst into flames, nor does it levitate.

Why did Peter Jackson choose to defang TTT of its second tower and its punch? The fans may never know. Squeezing half of TTT into the third movie didn’t do it much good, either. As a result, there was no room for the real Denethor, nor the real march across Mordor. The Scouring of the Shire was no great loss - having cut Saruman from the final scene at Orthanc, there was no call to bring him to the Shire. And yet the lack of conflict of any sort after the Really Big Eagles scene made the rest of the movie excruciatingly boring for those who hadn’t read the books.

Before the movie, I hadn’t thought much of Tolkien’s skill at writing a novel. His only successful effort from a purely technical point of view was The Hobbit, and that was a children’s book with an omniscient narrator - which is to say it wasn’t exactly in the form of the modern novel, either. The Lord of the Rings, the most beloved literary work of the 20th century, is not loved for its execution or technical merits. Many people, even some like Veronica who have no particular prejudice against fantasy, cannot even read it - yet Peter Jackson’s flaming-palantir version of LotR has given me a new appreciation for the virtues of the original.

There are three things you must love to love the books: epic, worldbuilding, and language. Only the second, the world of Middle Earth, was fully preserved in the movies. Everyone gushes over the landscapes, the cities, the oliphaunts. Even when it’s wrong or incomplete, it’s still lovely. (I wanted to see Morgul Vale, and not every cliff in the book was quite that sheer a drop. People with a fear of heights should avoid the third movie.)

There are moments of epic beloved of the critics (by “the critics” I mean mainly RJ and Naomi Chana): notably the lighting of the beacons of Gondor (for which we forgive even the huge Denethor character-assassination involved in Pippin’s having to do the honors by his pratfalling self), Pippin’s song sequence, and the charge of the Rohirrim (for which we forgive some incredible military stupidity on their part - don’t any of the good guys have archers?). Most of the failures of the movies also come in the area of epic - specifically an omission of the kind of people you find in epics: Denethor is just a madman, not a tragic figure; Theoden has trouble making up his mind; Eowyn isn’t riding undercover; Arwen has some sort of personal Elvish medical problem with Sauron rather than everyone else’s millennia-long epic struggle problem with Sauron; Gandalf doesn’t respect Pippin’s volunteer service to Denethor; Frodo doesn’t trust Sam; Sam doesn’t give the ring back to Frodo immediately; Gimli wants to cheat the Dead; and so forth and so on.

The heart of the books is language but movies are a visual art - language was doomed to lose out. A few stray lines make their way into the plot, but there’s no way to convey on screen the texture given to the books by the eight or ten languages Tolkien invented for the purpose. This is a difficulty the movies share with translations of the books into foreign languages: Tolkien had already carefully translated both Westron and the language of the Rohirrim into English and it doesn’t bear a second translation well, whether into Spanish or into Peter Jackson. Writers are more fascinated by language than the average reader, so while this loss is great in my accounting it’s not really a significant problem for the movies qua movies.

The world is grey, the mountains old,
The forge’s fire is ashen-cold;
No harp is wrung, no hammer falls:
The darkness dwells in Durin’s halls;
The shadow lies upon his tomb
In Moria, in Khazad-dûm.
But still the sunken stars appear
In dark and windless Mirrormere;
There lies his crown in water deep,
Till Durin wakes again from sleep.

Moving into another medium does mean picking up the problems of that medium - notably, cute people who can’t act. We get reasonably good performances from Gandalf, Elrond, and Pippin, but these only contrast with the problems of Aragorn, Arwen, and Frodo. Maybe it’s the producer who thinks that standing there and looking scruffy/Elven/tortured is enough to sell tickets - and he’d be right. Aragorn and Arwen (and similarly Legolas) can get away with the most here because their characters are just as sketchy in the books - they are part of the epic background, while the hobbits are the more modern, sympathetic viewpoint characters.

Frodo, however, is a huge problem, as I realized while he was standing on the deck of the ship in the Grey Havens, smiling at the shore and looking pretty for the camera. That boy with the baby face was not the 50-year-old Frodo of the books who went looking for the Cracks of Doom, found them, and could not go home again. He was the main character, yet I didn’t care for one minute what happened to Elijah Wood. He was never Frodo to me, especially after he got stabbed on Weathertop and moaned the whole way to Rivendell. Where was his warmth, his intelligence, his endurance, his compassion for Smeagol? Frodo (and in his absence Merry or Pippin) is supposed to be the reader’s linchpin connecting the epic past of Middle Earth to the coming Age of Men, but he doesn’t do that for the movie.

Frodo is not an easy role to play, but another actor might have pulled it off. Pippin, for instance, did hold a nice chunk of RotK together; he also looked the oldest of the four hobbits even though he’s supposed to be the youngest. Merry was underused, and Sam had everything but a proper master. Actors can make or break a movie; Elijah Wood broke The Lord of the Rings. (That is, of course, not his fault but that of the director who cast him.) LotR spiraled apart into a kaliedoscope of pretty scenes because Frodo wasn’t there to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.

So my reaction to The Fellowship of the Ring still stands, here at the end of all franchises:

The scenery was wonderful, and the choices of what to cut from the book were not bad choices. However, the choices to rewrite the dialogue, plot and characters were all bad choices - too many to name, but all of them poor indeed. Let me clue the producer in: You’re not J.R.R. Tolkien. You’re not even Christopher Tolkien.

2003 Meme

January 1st, 2004

Meteor shower of the day: The Quadrantids

Since everyone’s doing it…

What was one of the best fandom things that happened to you in 2003?

Stargate! If it weren’t for Jerie getting me addicted to Stargate, I’d be out of fandom completely by now. Instead I have a fun new show with snappy dialogue and real sci in the fi - or at least slightly better technobabble than Trek.

What was one of the worst fandom things that happened to you in 2003?

I’m pretty sure there was more Internet Troll activity, or I wouldn’t have written Goodbye Internet Trolls, but like the man said, For you have the troll always with you; but me you have not always. I think the worst thing was how we last few Trek holdouts seemed to give up on fandom this year. ENT hammered the final nail into the coffin of Trek fandom in 2003.

What fandom thing do you want to accomplish in the coming year?

I want to finish my revision of Colony, and maybe dig a few other bits of fic out of the UFO folder for posting. Mainly, though, I want to retire from Trek.

What fandom thing in 2003 do you feel was your greatest accomplishment?

I wrote a couple of Khan filks that are some of my best to date: I Will Revive and Raj of Rage.

What fandom thing that you did in 2003 do you wish you could erase?

I didn’t do enough fandom stuff to regret any of it.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about the same?

I wrote many more drabbles than I expected to produce in a lifetime, but otherwise very little fic. I didn’t write that much last year, either, though, so it’s about the same.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January 2003?

I wrote a drabble in all 5 Trek fandoms, which is 4 more than I ever expected to write in. The Khan obsession also came out of the blue and is all Jerie’s fault.

What’s your favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest.

My favorite story is one I never quite wrote - the true story of Khan. I have bits of it scattered in posted and unposted stories, but the real story is only in my head.

Did you take any writing risks this year? (See above for unexpected pairings, etc.) What did you learn from them?

I don’t believe in “taking risks” or “challenging yourself.” I believe in writing what you want to write when you want to write it. However, most of my perpetual revisions to Colony were made this year for the specific purpose of writing a novel (as opposed to the outline of a novel).

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year?

My fanfic goals are to finish Colony and retire from Trek. My profic goals are not nearly so specific - I’m not even sure whether I want to finish a novel this year or just stick to short stories. My all-purpose goal is to find the muse and drag her out of whatever seedy bar she’s holed herself up in. At this point I don’t care if she writes profic or Stargate, just as long as she writes something.

The truth is, I’m in this writing thing for the muse high. When she’s not around, it’s way too much work for my naturally lazy disposition.

The Midnight Disease

December 31st, 2003

Holiday of the day: Happy New Year, everyone, and be sure to bum a few free rides on the T after 8pm!

St. Ignatius hasn’t helped me much yet, but after mailing off my latest Writers of the Future entry, I skimmed a new writing book at Brookline Booksmith: The Midnight Disease. Local neurologist Alice Flaherty tries to explain the biological basis of creativity, using insights gained from her own bouts of hypergraphia.

The author uses the association of creativity with epilepsy and manic depression to trace the creative spirit to particular locations in the brain. I skipped the intermediate chapters on writer’s block to get to the elusive muse. While she mentioned Julian Jaynes’ theories as well as the idea that the muse is the unconscious mind, her own position seemed to be that the muse is the unrecognized interior voice, not unlike the one that tells schizophrenics to kill kill kill.

Accepting for the moment that non-muse writing also comes from the writer’s inner monologue, it’s not clear to me how that voice is supposed to become something…alien. So the inner voice explanation has the same problems as the unconscious explanation - why is our unconscious or internal monologue sometimes recognizable as our own, and sometimes alien enough to call it a muse?

The trouble with scientific explanations is that they leave these basic issues unexplained, giving us only tautologies like the survival of the fittest.

Hallucination on Demand

December 30th, 2003

Geek fad of the day: CSS in RSS
Beagle news of the day: the foxhole theory

I was thinking of storyboarding my stories to help with my description problems. (Description is one of those skills fanfic doesn’t give you.) I probably got the idea from the storyboard extra feature on the Sixth Sense DVD. However, I found an entirely different approach to the visualization problem on rasfc (rec.arts.sf.composition) - read St. Ignatius of Loyola’s Spiritual Exercises for tips on rolling your own hallucinations.

Technically his advice is for visualizing the Passion, but apparently it works just as well for visualizing alien worlds and bloody space battles. (I don’t believe in space battles, but that’s a whole other issue.) I’ll have to try to spiritually exercise my brain for my next story.

Making Criminals

December 29th, 2003

FAQ of the day: The Mac DVD Resource FAQ
Kernel hack of the day: PowerBook fan fix

I’m up to Season 4 of Stargate, which, thanks to Veronica, I have on DVD. This is the most action my mac’s built-in DVD player has seen since I borrowed Contact from Dr. Deb. Even though I have no foreign region DVD’s, I’ve begun to wonder about nasty built-in DVD annoyances, like the FBI warning and trailers you can’t fast-forward past - just because I’m a geek. I also wanted to take a couple of screenshots for the Repository, but the OS disables Grab (the mac screen capper) when the DVD player is running.

There are software and firmware hacks out there to nullify or reset the region code on a mac. The best way I discovered to skip the FBI warning or take a screenshot, however, was with VLC. VLC avoids the normal DVD hardware restrictions by reading and decoding the DVD at the software level. Presto, screenshots!

The only trouble is, it may be illegal in the US. I own the Stargate DVD’s and the mac and the mac’s DVD player, and I’m not selling, ripping, or pirating anything, or making any money. And yet, VLC comes with a warning that using the decoding library may be a violation of the DMCA. So without doing a single thing that any reasonable person would consider wrong, immoral or fattening, I could have broken a law by downloading and running VLC, provided I did so. Nothing in this blog entry should be taken as an admission of guilt.

When I took a Peter Pan bus to an undisclosed location in Connecticut, the driver said that smoking was prohibited by federal law and that cell phones should be used only in an emergency. What constituted an emergency - say, the bus going off an overpass - was not specified. When I took the Bonanza bus to and from Fall River to see Mom, the driver firmly declared that smoking, drinking (alcoholic beverages), and cell phoning were absolutely forbidden on the bus. There are only two or three places in all of Massachusetts where it’s legal to smoke, so that law was familiar to the patrons. It was Bonanza, not Greyhound, so the likelihood of people getting drunk on the bus was low to begin with. The likelihood of people cell-phoning despite the absolute cell-phone ban was about the likelihood of people cell-phoning in the absence of cell-phone bans. I overheard a lengthy conversation in Portuguese as well as several other shameless cell calls.

The point being that when you make a law that’s extreme (people need to make cell phone calls from the bus to tell people they’re arriving - you don’t want to spend one extra minute hanging around the bus station in Fall River, believe me), senseless (I could converse with Veronica when she was with me, so why shouldn’t I be able to do it over the cell as well?) and impossible to obey (people have a Pavlovian drive to answer their cell phones), all you do is destroy what respect they may have had for the rule of law. When you make one law to be broken, all laws suffer. Next thing you know, they’ll be drinking beer on the bus, just because the driver forbade it in the same sentence as he did cell phones (and not nearly as emphatically).

There’s no way to rule innocent men. The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren’t enough criminals one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws. Who wants a nation of law-abiding citizens? What’s there in that for anyone? But just pass the kind of laws that can neither be observed nor enforced nor objectively interpreted ñ and you create a nation of law-breakers ñ and then you cash in on guilt. –Atlas Shrugged

Idiots in Love

December 28th, 2003

Feed frenzy of the day: anti-RSS feed discrimination

I had the opportunity to screen most of my mother’s chick flick collection recently, plus a couple of others here and there. They were all DVD’s someone actually thought were worth buying; in no case was that someone me. (I have no other directors beside M. Night Shyamalan.) The short story is: the oldest movie was the best one.

Notting Hill and What a Girl Wants were notable for their music-video sections. If I wanted a music video I’d watch MTV, thanks. Although there is one nice bit of camera work in Notting Hill where the seasons pass as Our Anti-hero is walking the streets of, presumably, Notting Hill, music-video interludes are mainly a directorial cop-out. If I’d sprung for the DVD I’d feel cheated at this sort of cheap filler. You can’t get away with playing a pop song instead of plotting the story in a novel, so feel free to dismiss my concerns as jealousy.

What a Girl Wants is Colin Firth; otherwise the movie was entirely undistinguished and the romance was just a subplot. Notting Hill was slightly better, though it did suffer from a touch of Idiot Plot. You recall the Idiot Plot. That’s the plot that would be solved in an instant if anyone on the screen said what was obvious to the audience. (Roger Ebert) The concept of an Idiot Plot goes back to scifi author James Blish: Any plot containing problems which would be solved instantly if all of the characters were not idiots. (See similar terms in the Turkey City Lexicon.)

Romantic comedies tend to feature a special brand of these Idiot Characters - people who would live happily ever after if they’d just stop acting like flaming idiots for five minutes straight. It’s hard to sympathize with Julia Roberts when she’s stomping all over the guy of her dreams, and the boy with the “kick me” sign on his back (Hugh Grant) only gets as much sympathy as he does because he’s pretty. At least it’s not hard to believe that a famous actress would be self-centered or a stereotypical Brit would be terminally self-effacing. The same can’t be said for Four Weddings and a Funeral, in which hapless Hugh gets himself caught up in Andie MacDowall’s drive to ruin her own life and those of everyone around her. The four weddings and one funeral don’t provide nearly enough character background to justify this level of idiocy.

Julia Roberts does better as a pining third wheel in America’s Sweethearts, mainly because she’s the sane one waiting for the Romantic Lead to get a clue. The major protagonists of idiocy are Catherine Zeta-Jones and John Cusack. Once again, Our Male Lead gets sympathy only for being cute, and the movie is funny only because of supporting cast members like Billy Crystal, Seth Green, and of course, her Julianess.

Speaking of Catherine Zeta-Jones, I didn’t detect even a smidgen of chemistry between her and Sean Connery in Entrapment. Maybe it’s that he’s old enough to be her great-grandfather, or maybe it’s that I never thought he was particularly cute. So he gets no sympathy from me, not even when he’s about to plunge off the Big Bank Building to a terminal-velocity death. (This was a Thomas Crown Affair rip-off with the same romantic subplot.) The end did surprise me, though.

The Wedding Planner started off so well, with very nice camera work and some snappy dialogue when Our Wedding Planner discovers that her new flame is also a customer. Unfortunately, like so many romantic comedies before it, this one gets bogged down in the middle when Our Characters must act like idiots to keep the movie going long enough to fill the required DVD space. The plot quickly degenerates into cliches, including the poorly done Italian family of the non-bride and her imported fiance. Matthew McConaughey gets by on his looks.

The thing all these romantic rejects have in common is the idiot characters. Maybe the target chick audience is supposed to believe that you can be an idiot and live happily ever after, too. Not being an idiot myself, I just can’t identify with Idiot Love. I prefer a real, live plot involving interesting, non-idiot characters, like Moonstruck. On the surface, it seems to have the same plot as several of the others - someone is engaged to the wrong person when the right person comes along - but Cher doesn’t get bogged down in slapstick and stupidity. There’s no pining away after anybody or sacrificing anybody’s happiness for the sake of the idiot who happened to propose first.

And, of course, everyone lives happily ever after.

Gratuitous Temari Post

December 27th, 2003

Here are some gratuitous Temari shots. I made the kiri (chysanthemum) pattern on eight divisions, done two different ways on the two sides of the obi (belt around the middle). The green thread under the embroidery is DMC variegated tatting thread.
full frontal temari obi shot

Filking Season

December 26th, 2003

Badfic of the day: Bad Coffee by Miss Alena Louis Watts, Warren, Me. (1916)

Unlike Seema, I haven’t heard the dreaded Christmas Shoes carol, nor have I seen the movie. The songs of the season drive Veronica batty, but I don’t mind them. They’re easy enough to tune out after the first thousand renditions of Silent Night.

‘Twas the season to be filky, but now that I’m semi-retired I even ignored a challenge to filk a Stargate Christmas carol. Most of the good carols are already filks of old German drinking songs or of Greensleeves, so why refilk them? A filk is just a song about an unusual topic set to a stolen tune. Though the usual topic is science fiction or fantasy, deities being born under strange circumstances certainly qualifies.

But of course now the party’s over; the filking season will return at its regularly scheduled time next Thanksgiving. Until then, you might want to tune in to Filk Radio.

Lost Another One?

December 25th, 2003

Mars is the Bermuda Triangle of space. The Beagle may have landed, but its call could not be completed as dialed. As of this evening, Beagle’s second phone call had also failed.

Why is it so stunningly difficult to land on Mars? No one has major problems with Venus (a favorite destination of the Soviets), Jupiter, or Saturn. If you look into it, the history of Mars missions reads like a Ray Bradbury story. The only logical explanation for these weird disappearances of entire spacecraft is that the Martians don’t want us there.

Cue Twilight Zone music…