The Simple Joys of Captaincy

Where are the simple joys of captaincy?
Where are all those redundant redshirt boys?
Where's the buff Risan skimp'ly dressed?
Weird artifacts and all the rest?
Oh, where are a Captain's simple joys?

Shan't I have the bright career I had before?
Shall I never avert a major war?
Shall a world never worship me -
Immortal, Prophet, Emissary?
Oh where are the simple joys of captaincy?

Shall I not be on a pedestal,
Charged with all the crimes of man?
Steal the flagship oft, or better still,
Save the universe?

Where are the simple joys of captaincy?
Are those old Starfleet pleasures gone for good?
Shan't the Borg stand aside for me?
Prime directives not apply to me?
Oh where are those legal joys?
The regal, imperial joys?
Where are the simple joys of captaincy?