The Sound of Borgness

Title:   The Sound of Borgness
Author:  Jemima
Contact: webmaster of jemimap.cjb.net
Series:  VOY
Rating:  PG for implied monkey sex
Codes:   C/7, Borg, Borg children, Borg baby,
         Icheb/Naomi, filk, humor
Summary: Filk of the musical "The Sound of Music", 
	 starring Seven of Nine as Fraulein Maria.
Archive: ASC only, but feel free to link to 
	 http://jemimap.ficml.org/voy/filk/borgness.html 

Disclaimer:  This parody of Rogers and Hammerstein musical 
	     "The Sound of Music"  is protected as such by 
	     the copyright laws of the United States of America. 

Notes:	   Azan and Rebi were the Borg boys, Mezoti was the girl.
           Thanks to T'Other Liz, KC, Kelly, and Seema for rhymes,
	   adjectives, one-syllable nouns, and kiss-off idioms.
	   The monkey sex is all Seema's fault.

Date:  January, 2004

Liner Notes

Cast of characters:

Maria - Seven of Nine
Captain von Trapp - Chakotay
Mother Abbess - Borg Queen, Neelix
Nuns - drones
Rolf - Icheb
Liesl - Naomi
The Children - the Borg children (Icheb, Mezoti, Azan, Rebi, baby)

Non-singing roles, for reference:
The Baroness - Janeway
Uncle Max - Tuvok

List of filks:

The Sound of Borgness (The Sound of Music)
Drone Seven (Maria)
Borg Perfection (I Have Confidence In Me)
Our Favorite Things (My Favorite Things)
"I" Not "We" (Do-Re-Mi)
Sixish Looking Elevenish (Sixteen Going on Seventeen)
The Lonely XO (The Lonely Goatherd)
So Long, Bug Off (So Long, Farewell)
Play Ev'ry Organ (Climb Ev'ry Mountain)
Something Tight (Something Good)
Voyager (Edelweiss)

The Sound of Borgness

Filk:      The Sound of Borgness
Original:  The Sound of Music
Codes:     7
Episode:   pre-Scorpion

The Borg are a race
Of sublime perfection
Of drones we have freed
From a thousand worlds

The Borg fill this drone
With sublime perfection
This drone is a part of a greater whole
This drone is a cog on the rim
Of a wheel that drives every sphere
Through the sky.

This drone wants to hear
Tones pristine and clear
And to know ev'ry why,
To think like the Queen when her mind directs
Countless cubes in array,
To touch in the night,
Every star that we pass on our way.

Once you join the Borg
You will not be lonely.
The sights you will see
None have seen before.
Each drone will been blessed
With sublime perfection
When you join our corps.

Drone Seven

Filk:      Drone Seven
Original:  (How Do You Solve a Problem Like) Maria
Codes:     Borg Queen, drones, pre-Scorpion

2 of 9:

She rushes round
With such a sound -
She never takes the stair.

3 of 9:

She leaks when she assimilates
And all the new drones stare.

2 of 9:

And underneath her armor
She has mammaries to spare!

3 of 9:

Drone Seven doesn't fit in the Collective.

2 of 9:

She's early for her duties,

4 of 9:

But she does them like a drone.

2 of 9:

She leaves us still regenerating
And does our work alone.

Queen:

It's time to put Our foot down -
All the evidence has shown

2 and 3 of 9:

Drone Seven doesn't fit in the Collective.

4 of 9:

We could have ended like the other five;
But Seven saved our lives!

3 of 9:

How do you solve a problem like drone Seven?

Queen:

How do you reassimilate a drone?

4 of 9:

How do you find a role that fits drone Seven?

2 of 9:

A manifold scrubber!

3 of 9:

A sonambulist!

4 of 9:

A Queen!

Queen:

Many a thing she feels she ought to tell you,
Many a thing she tries to organize...

4 of 9:

But how can you make her stay
And do it proper Borg way?

Queen:

How do you cut her ego down to size?

4 of 9:

Oh, how do you solve a problem like drone Seven?

Queen:

What can you tell a drone who thinks she's wise?

4 of 9:

When I'm with her I'm unused
Out of contact and bemused,
Yet she makes me proud to think that I am Borg.

3 of 9:

Unpredictable as humans,
Independent like her parents.

4 of 9:

She's a good drone,

2 of 9:

She's a misfit.

4 of 9:

She is Borg.

3 of 9:

She'd out-pester any pest,
Drive a Horta from her nest,

2 of 9:

She could throw an old Hirogen
Off the trail.

4 of 9:

She's efficient,
She's precise,

3 of 9:

She's a nuisance.

4 of 9:

She's all right.

2 of 9:

She's a rebel!

4 of 9:

She's perfection!

Queen:

She's a girl.

All:

How do you solve a problem like drone Seven?
How do you reassimilate a drone?
How do you find a role that fits drone Seven?
A manifold scrubber!
A sonambulist!
A Queen!

Many a thing she feels she ought to tell you,
Many a thing she tries to organize...
But how can you make her stay
And do it the proper Borg way?
How do you cut her ego down to size?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like drone Seven?
What can you tell a drone who thinks she's wise?

Borg Perfection

Filk:      Borg Perfection
Original:  I Have Confidence In Me
Codes:     7
Episode:   Scorpion

What is this species like?
These humans...
How's their efficiency?
These humans...

Highly disorienting
To converse one-on-one
With the weak -
Collective assimilation
Would be the correct technique.

The Borg found a space fluidic
That no one else had ever dared
Out came a species fluidic
But we were unprepared.

A captain of many humans,
Thinking in such small terms.
So individual
Inefficient,
Wanting to find a way through Borg space...

But she has technology we're seeking.
We are seeking a weapon we lack.
A nanoprobe weapon, human science,
Fix our mistakes with an alliance.
Give them a mouthpiece,
Get their compliance,
Then get them!

So, let them bring on all their theories,
Borg think better than the weak
Borg perfection gets
The weapon that we seek!
Then we'll make them see
Borg perfection constantly.

Sternly I will address them.
I will be strong and clear,
And all these humans,
(Assimilate them!)
They will adapt, comply
This "ally"!

Now we know that we'll defeat them,
Species 8472.
Borg perfection wins,
Assimilation time!
Time to make them see
Borg perfection constantly.

Borg perfection is collective,
Borg perfection is our gift.
Borg perfection is the future for you all!
And then you will see
Borg perfection constantly.

Power resides in numbers.
Power resides in tech,
Power in cubes and unimatrix,
Once you're all drones, you'll see, we're happy!

One small drone left to the humans
One small drone abandoned here
Borg perfection was my ultimate frontier
Borg perfection was my ultimate frontier!
Back when I could see,
Borg perfection constantly!

Our Favorite Things

Filk:      Our Favorite Things
Original:  My Favorite Things
Codes:     7

Suns going nova
And unproven theses,
Carbon-based life-forms
Of new unknown species.
Tachyon particles
Made out of strings,
These are a few of our favorite things.

Heliopauses
To heliospheres,
Borg cubes transwarping
'Cross thousands of light-years,
Every new drone
And the knowledge it brings,
These are a few of our favorite things.

Kyrian starships with antigrav thrusters,
Omnicordata in galactic clusters,
J-class gas giants with sparkling rings -
These are a few of our favorite things.

When the Borg come
When the drone stings,
And you're feeling sad,
We'll help you remember our favorite things,
And then you won't feel so bad!

"I," Not "We"

Filk:      "I," Not "We"
Original:  Do-Re-Mi
Codes:     7, Borg children

Seven:

Let's start at the very beginning.
A very good place to start.
When you're Vulcan you have...

Mezoti:

IDIC.

Seven:

When you're human the pronoun's
"I" not "we".

Children:

We we we.

Seven:

"I" not "we".
The self-referent now has to be
"I" not "we".

Children:

"I" not "we"!

Seven:

I-me-mine-my-he-him-his!

No. I will attempt to make it easier.

I, is me, is only me.
Me, the object of a verb.
Mine, a name I call my things.
My, possessive adjective
He, a male humanoid,
Him, the object for a guy,
His, both adjective and noun!
That returns us back to I-I-I!

Mezoti:

Seven:

Is me, is only me.

Icheb:

Me!

Seven:

The object of a verb!

Twins:

Mine!

Seven:

The name I call my things.

Children:

My!

Seven:

Possessive adjective!

All:

He, a male humanoid,
Him, the object for a guy,
His, both adjective and noun!
That returns us back to I-I-I!

Children:

Is me, is only me.
Me, the object of a verb.
Mine, a name I call my things.
My, possessive adjective!

All:

He, a male humanoid,
Him, the object for a guy,
His, both adjective and noun!

Seven:

That returns us back to I!
I-me-mine-my-he-him-his-I!
Just I!

Sixish Looking Elevenish

Filk:      Sixish Looking Elevenish
Original:  Sixteen Going on Seventeen
Codes:     Icheb/Naomi
Note:      The pylangium is a part of the amphibian heart.

Icheb:

You wait, K'tarian, in an empty room
For mom to turn the light off
Your ship, K'tarian, is a flying tomb
That Starfleet wants to write off

Naomi:

To write off...

Icheb:

You are sixish looking elevenish
Guard your pylangium
Time to grow up and think hard before you
Have an elogium

You are sixish looking elevenish
You are our rising star -
Frustrated ensigns, Vulcan midshipmen
Tell you about pon farr.

Totally unprepared are you
To face a ship of men
Skinny and short and horned are you
Oh wait until you're ten!

You need someone older and wiser
Telling you what to think,
I am fifteen going on sixteen
I'll even buy you drinks!

Naomi:

I am sixish looking elevenish
I know that I'm outsized
Guys like yourself may think that I'm twelve -
I need to be advised.

I am sixish looking elevenish
Innocent as a drone
Holodeck boyfriends, monkey sex weekends
Are a complete unknown.

Totally unprepared am I
To face a ship of men
Skinny and short and horned am I
I'll wait until I'm ten!

I need someone older and wiser
Telling me what to think,
You are fifteen going on sixteen
You'll buy me a drink!

The Lonely XO

Filk:      The Lonely XO
Original:  The Lonely Goatherd
Codes:     7, Borg children

Seven:

Up on the bridge is a lonely XO
Le-o-la le-o-la le-o-la
Not much to do for the lonely XO
Le-o-la le-o-la-a

Crew on the decks that are far below go
Le-o-la le-o-la le-o-la
Hungry and tired of the same old chow go
Le-o-la le-o-la-a

Children:

O le-o-la le-o-la, o le-o-la o-la
O le-o-la le-o-la, le-o-la le-o-la

Seven:

Cook in the mess of a starship slow goes
Le-o-la le-o-la le-o-la

Icheb:

Tom in a bar with a holo-glow goes
Le-o-la le-o-la-a

Children:

Crew on repairs in the broken bow go
Le-o-la le-o-la le-o-la

Seven:

Doc playing golf like a sickbay pro goes
Le-o-la le-o-la-a

One former drone in a dress cut low goes,
Le-o-la le-o-la le-o-la

Mezoti:

She has her eye on the lonely XO
Le-o-la le-o-la-a

Seven:

Soon Cap'n Kate with her glare aglow goes,
Le-o-la le-o-la le--uh-oh
What an ado for a drone and XO

All:

Le-o-la le-o-la-a

All:

Ummm (ummm) ...
Le-o-la (le-o-la)
Le-o-la-a (le-o-la-a)
Le-o-la (le-o-la) ...

Child:

One former drone in a dress cut low goes,

Seven:

Le-o-la le-o-la le-o-la

Child:

She has her eye on the lonely XO

Seven:

Le-o-la le-o-la-a

Seven:

Soon Cap'n Kate with her glare aglow goes,
Le-o-la le-o-la le--uh-oh
What an ado for a drone and XO
Le-o-la le-o-la-a

All:

Handsome is he, le-o-la le-o-la...
Soon the XO will become her new beau

Seven:

Le-o-la le-o-la-a

All:

Le-o-la, le-o-la
Le-o-la-a, le-o-la
Le-o-la-a, le-o-la-a, le-o-la-a
Le-o-la, le-o-la

Children:

Leola!

So Long, Bug Off

Filk:      So Long, Bug Off
Original:  So Long, Farewell
Codes:     Icheb, Mezoti, Azan, Rebi, Borg baby 
Episode:   Imperfection

Children:

There's a redshirt a-waiting for to beam us away
'Cause our trip on this ship is through
And off in the nursery an unnoticed babe
Is crying out a mute "boo-hoo."

Baby:

Boo-hoo, boo-hoo

Children:

So suddenly they ditch us
Boo-hoo, boo-hoo
And here they come to pitch us
Boo-hoo, boo-hoo
And so we go...

Icheb:

Boo-hoo...

Children:

...boo-hoo.

Icheb:

So long, bug off, I don't expect to write.

Azan:

I hate to go and miss this endless flight.

Icheb:

So long, bug off, hey, who the heck are you?

Baby:

Boo-hoo, boo-hoo, boo-hoo, boo-hoo, boo-hoo.

Icheb:

So long, bug off, remember to adapt.

Mezoti:

Watch out - I think that Seven's finally snapped.

Icheb:

So long, bug off, remember to comply.

Azan:

I'd like to stay and have a piece of pie - goodbye!

Rebi:

You all were nuts, and that you can't deny.

Baby:

Boo-hoo, boo-hoo, why can't you hear me cry?

Mezoti:

The twins have got the shaft and so did I.

Icheb:

So long, bug off, we leave you high and dry.
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye...

Crew:

Goodbye!

Play Ev'ry Organ

Filk:      Play Ev'ry Organ
Original:  Climb Ev'ry Mountain
Codes:     Neelix (to 7)
Episode:   Human Error

Play ev'ry organ
Sing high or low
Master every science
Everything you know

Play ev'ry organ
Cook any dish
Show off all your talents
Till you have your wish

A wish that requires
All the love he can give
Every day of his life
For as long as he lives

Play ev'ry organ
Cook any dish
Show off all your talents
Till you have your wish

A wish that requires
All the love he can give
Every day of his life
For as long as he lives

Play ev'ry organ
Cook any dish
Show off all your talents
Till... you... have... your... wish!

Something Tight

Filk:      Something Tight
Original:  Something Good
Codes:     C/7
Episode:   Human Error

Seven:

Perhaps I could be less efficient,
Perhaps I could be more polite;
The first time in my heartless, pitiless life
I'm feeling a bit contrite.

For here you are, standing here, kissing me,
Though you're made out of light.
When chasing a Maquis commander,
I always wear something tight.

Something close to nothing,
Something sheer and slight -
When chasing a Maquis commander,
I always wear something tight.

Chakotay:

So here you are standing there loving me,
Whether or not it's trite.

Seven:

When chasing a Maquis commander,
I always wear something tight.

Both:

Something close to nothing,
Something sheer and slight.

Seven:

When chasing a Maquis...

Chakotay:

...commander

Seven:

I always wear something...

Both:

...something tight.

Voyager

Filk:      Voyager
Original:  Edelweiss

Voyager...
Voyager...
Every Wednesday I'd see you
Sleek and bright, in a plight,
How I wished I could be you
Lost castaways
May you find your way,
Find your way to Terra...

Voyager...
Voyager...
Heading homeward to Terra...
Sleek and bright, in a plight,
How I wished I could be you
Lost castaways
May you find your way,
Find your way to Terra...

Voyager...
Voyager...
Heading homeward to Terra.

[the end]